Are you playing the role of the VICTIM?

Are you playing the role of the VICTIM? 

We all know someone — that friend who always seems to be suffering the wrongdoings of someone else, or that aunt who complains nobody in the family has any consideration toward her needs ever despite all her sacrifices, or that coworker who is “resigned” to the abuse of their boss but who never quits their job. Victim mentality — pretty common, isn’t it?
Victim mentality prevents people from making objective decisions and evaluations of everyday life. People who have a victim mentality have not necessarily been victimized through a crime, but they are individuals who have adopted this behavior and attitude from years—usually during childhood—where core emotional or physical needs were not met.

Become Self-Aware explains that victim mentality is a form of negative thinking where an individual looks to others for experiences and life fulfillment instead of to themselves. This often manifests in adulthood as character traits of entitlement and neediness.

Victim mentality manipulated through health complaints
Victim mentality often leads people to manipulate others through health complaints.

“…the adult who is still playing the child victim role responds like the deer that sees a mountain lion approaching and instead of fleeing the danger becomes paralyzed,” explains Robert W. Firestone, Ph.D., psychologist and author. “This person just keeps noticing over and over that the situation is unreasonable, unfair or threatening but doesn’t make the appropriate adaptive responses.”

What leads to a victim mentality?
Victim mentality is considered a natural extension of dependency felt during childhood. Because children must rely on adults for all of the comforts in life, parents who are overly negative, critical and hard on children can foster a sense of being “not good enough.”

This feeling of inadequacy teaches children to rely on others for happiness and reaffirmation– a habit which, for those with victim mentality, follows into adulthood.

Victim mentality is often a sign of emotional immaturity.
Victim mentality in everyday life.
Victim mentality affects people from all walks of life and we have all at some point used the victim role to our advantage. However, the victim mentality is a chronic issue that becomes a person’s main way to see and interact with the world. They really do believe they are victims of something or someone.

Characteristics of individuals with this issue include:
Negative self-image
Demanding
Entitlement
Blaming
Complaining
Underlying feelings of being powerless
Frequent use of the phrase, “Yes, but…”
Victim mentality may turn people into bullies
People in victim roles often turn bullies and abusive, justifying their behavior by being provoked.

In many situations, people are unaware they are displaying a victim mentality; it is simply a way to shift the blame from themselves to another person.

People who chronically suffer from victim mentality, however, are stuck in a pattern of blaming and negativity, even over inconsequential events.
According to Dr. Nicola Davies, people who are stuck in the victim mentality role, tend to verbally and physically abuse others and then blame it on being provoked, constantly try to control other people’s sympathy by “needing” support or compassion, try to prove they are indeed the victim of others by staying in conflicted relationships (personal or business), and also complain of other people taking advantage of their kindness.

Recognizing when someone is suffering from victim mentality versus just being manipulative can be difficult. The main difference is chronic presence of negativity rather than just a fleeting moment of manipulation.

“‘Victims’ deal in judgments and ‘shoulds’ in interactions with others. They operate on the basic assumption that the world should be fair: ‘I should have been loved by my parents.’ ‘My children should call me or write to me.’ ‘After all that I’ve done for her, the least she could do …’,” explain Dr. Firestone. ” This type of preoccupation with ‘rights’ and ‘shoulds’ is irrelevant to the real problems that we are all faced with; it leads to inward brooding, righteous indignation and vengeful feelings. Worse yet, angry, victimized feelings are bottled up inside, contributing to depression and psychosomatic disorders.”