Generational Differences among Small Businesses Owners

As the youngest Baby Boomers turn 50, Gen-Xers mature into middle age and Millennials charge into the working world, the small business community is feeling a shift in the way business is done. Among these generations, there are notable differences in attitude, management style and skillsets. But how do these variances affect the way entrepreneurs run their business and influence the economy?

Millennials are the most optimistic about their business’s revenue and the economy

It likely comes as no surprise that the youngest generation, Millennial SBOs, have the greatest optimism about the economy. More than three-quarters predict their revenue will increase over the next 12 months and 82 percent believe their local economy will improve. Boomers expressed the least optimism, with 52 percent feeling positive about their companies’ revenue growth and 41 percent feeling optimistic about the local economy. Greater optimism from the younger generation may be the result of less exposure to cycles of economic downturn and fluctuations.

All generations see themselves as “tech savvy,” but the importance of tech varies

When grading themselves on tech-savviness, the Millennial generation leads the pack with 85 percent of young SBOs giving themselves an “A” or “B.” Gen-Xers followed closely behind at 74 percent, and Boomers trailed with 58 percent giving themselves high marks. When asked how long SBOs could run their business without a smartphone or tablet, we found a big variance in response. Fifty-nine percent of Boomers said they could run their business indefinitely without a smartphone or tablet. Only 22 percent of Millennials could conceive of this, as well as 39 percent of Gen-Xers. In addition, nearly half of Millennials and Gen-Xers said it would be impossible to run their business without a smartphone or tablet for more than a day.

Millennial SBOs self-identify as creative and confident versus their dedicated and hard-working generational counterparts

While Millennial SBOs describe themselves as creative and confident, Gen Xers and Boomers see themselves as hardworking and dedicated. The differences in generational self-perception may not only affect the way small businesses are run, it could also influence the types of businesses opened in the future. 

Generations share some things in common

While SBOs may describe themselves differently, all tend to value a company culture that is focused on the customer. Gen Xers, Baby Boomers and Millennials consistently emphasized the importance of a client-centric approach to business.

Despite the many ways SBOs approach their businesses, each plays an important role in the well-being of the small business community and the economy. As we’ve seen in our survey, new technology is helping small business owners run their companies more efficiently, maintain more control over their business and offer more complex products to customers. This creates more opportunities for small business owners to be successful, regardless of their generation.

Empathy vs. Sympathy: What’s The Difference? Know when to use them!

Dictionary Definitions of Empathy vs. Sympathy

Part of what makes it so hard to tell the difference between empathy and sympathy is the fact that both words sound very similar and both concepts espouse similar things in practice.

Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also :  the capacity for this

Sympathy: (1) the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief, misfortune, etc. : a sympathetic feeling. (2)an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other.

As you can see, the two are very similar. Certainly, we begin to see a picture emerge. Conventional wisdom holds that where empathy is the feeling of “walking in another’s shoes,” sympathy is more of a feeling of being sorry or bereft, even on behalf of another person. 

The Emotional Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

When we use sympathy as an emotional tool, we understand that it gives us insight into another’s situation and emotional state of mind. It can be useful, for instance, on a deeper level to develop a firm grasp of empathetic understanding of another person in order to develop the social skills that we need to maintain relationships across all facets of our lives, including romantic relationships and in dating situations.

On the other hand, without attempting to attribute too much of an ulterior motive to (or cheapen the concept of) empathy, a savvy business person or experienced customer service representative can use their developed empathetic proclivities to better serve consumers or customers.  It can also reduce friction between people of different personality types and allow people from all backgrounds to relate to one another by imagining themselves in the other person’s position. Once you take a moment to imagine a person’s background, culture, experiences, and personality, it becomes easier to deal with conflict in certain situations because you are more likely to give a person the same consideration and understanding that you would like in return.

In short, from an emotional standpoint, empathy is very closely related to that golden rule; “treat others as you would like to be treated”. In this instance, you would reverse the statement once you have allowed yourself to empathize with another person and consider how it is that they would like to be treated.

Sympathy serves two major purposes from an emotional standpoint. As we discussed, sympathy is most often referred to in situations where a loss has occurred or when another person is seeking to offer condolences or commiseration in a time of grief, whether brief or prolonged. For instance, you may wish to offer your sympathy to a person who is going through a period of depression. When you sympathize with them, you are admitting that you, in fact, do not know how they feel, but wish to offer your support. This allows you to offer your support without diminishing the person’s own state of mind.

We can also use the word “sympathy” to signal our commiseration with another’s beliefs, mores, or values. This usage is quite different from what we understand the traditional meaning to be. For instance, you’ve probably heard the term, “I am sympathetic to your cause”. This phrase is often used to signal your agreement or cohesion with another person’s ideals, tastes, or preferences. Let’s see what this looks like in practice.

Let us imagine that you are speaking to a friend, and in your conversation you discover that neither you nor your friend are particularly fond of cats. You might even say that both of you absolutely hate cats. In this instance, it can be said that you are sympathetic to your friend’s preference. On the other hand, your preferences, motivations, or values do not need to be identical in order to be considered “sympathetic”. Let’s clarify that. Suppose that in this situation, your friend hates cats, and you love them. However, let us imagine that you do hate aardvarks (just bear with us for a moment!). As long as your distaste for aardvarks is the same as your friend’s distaste for cats, when they tell you, “I dislike cats!” you are perfectly accurate in saying, “boy, I can sympathize with that!”

Empathy vs. Sympathy: 3 Examples in Common Situations

Finally, let us take a look at some common examples of empathy vs. sympathy just to summarize and ensure that we have a complete grasp on what makes the difference between sympathy and empathy.

Situation #1: A friend of yours has had to put her companion, a 15-year-old border collie down due to the dog’s illness. She is understandably heartbroken.

Empathy: In this scenario, if you have never had to experience this kind of loss, you would attempt to imagine the experience from your friend’s point of view. You might consider that she is not only sad about the loss of her dog, but also reflecting with happiness on her happy memories with Fido.

Sympathy: If you have had a similar experience, you may wish to offer your condolences without detracting from or overshadowing your friend’s grief.

Situation #2: You are a fourth grade teacher. You have a new student starting in your class today and the child is visibly frightened.

Empathy: Attempt to imagine what it is like to be a pre-adolescent in a new place. You may not be able to replicate the feeling exactly, but surely you can imagine feeling the way the child does.

Sympathy: Remember what it is like, even as an adult, to be a stranger in a strange place.

Situation #3: You are driving along when someone rear ends your car. The two of you pull over to the side of the road and prepare to exchange insurance information.

Empathy:  Though the situation is not your fault, you might wish to think about how you would like to be treated if it were. Certainly, you’d already be feeling bad, and being berated by a stranger would be unproductive.

Sympathy: We’ve all been at fault for an accident (vehicular or not) at some point. Try and channel that emotion and act accordingly.

If you're considering coaching, here are 12 ways you might benefit

When I building my first company, I realized that the biggest limitation to my company's growth was my own growth as the founder & ceo. So I hired a coach. In a matter of months, my then-coach guided me to put in place a strategic growth plan, bring to life company values, work through stressful interpersonal situations, and be a lot more decisive and concrete in my style. It was invaluable.

If you're considering coaching, here are 12 ways you might benefit:

1. Hard results - greater productivity, faster promotions, bigger profits
2. Deeper learnings - about yourself, how you're perceived, where you can improve
3. Faster action - advancing things faster and with greater precision
4. Space to hear your own voice - to talk something through and gain perspective
5. Awareness of perspectives, beliefs, and attitudes that may be holding you back
6. Support and confidence to "lean in" and make bold moves
7. Clarity on your values and what you stand for, which leads to greater conviction
8. Ideas for ways to improve that you may not see - awareness of blind spots
9. Emotional support, empathy, and encouragement - feels less lonely
10. The cold truth others won't tell you
11. Third-party moderation for 360-reviews, strategic planning, and conflict resolution
12. Support for improving specific skills - communication, delegation, conflict management, team building, persuasion, etc.
    

In my eyes, these are incredible leverage points for growth. But don't get me wrong, coaching isn't a panacea. It won't work for someone who doesn't have a desire to learn and grow. In some situations, consulting or therapy may be more appropriate (see chart below). And let's face it: not all coaches will fit. There's an element of chemistry that needs to be right.

A roadmap to understanding the Millennials

The Millennial Generation
(1) Approximately 10,000 Millennials turn 21 everyday in America. The Millennials are the largest generation on our planet. As the Baby Boomers taught us, the larger the generation, the greater the influence over norms, expectations and behavior. With the Millennials comes mega change…

The Millennial Consumer
(2) By 2018, Millennials will have the most spending power of any generation. (3) Their annual spend in 2015 is expected to be $2.45 trillion and by 2018, they will eclipse Boomers in spending power at $3.39 trillion.

Mobile commerce will be a huge contributing factor to the 3.39 trillion as (4) 41% of Millennials have already made purchases with their smartphones. If your website, product or service is not mobile ready…good riddance.

(5) 48% of Millennials who say word-of-mouth influences their product purchases more than TV ads. Only 17% said a TV ad promoted them to buy. And where do you think they get this word-of-mouth influence? Social media – duh. (6) 63% stay updated on brands through social networks. And (7) 43% have liked more than 20 brands on Facebook. [Mr Youth]. A social media presence these days is a must to capitalize on Millennial spend.

The Millennial Student
(8) Millennials are the most educated generation in American history with over 63% of Millennials having a Bachelor’s Degree. [Millennial Branding] How will you stand out in today’s over crowded talent pool.

(9) 50% of Millennial college students say they don’t need a physical classroom. (10) 53% believe that online colleges are reputable. And (11) 39% view the future of education as being more virtual. [Millennial Branding] Eventually how can you expect them to need or want a physical workplace?

The Millennial Entrepreneur
(12) 21% of freelancers are still enrolled at a university. Millennials are capitalizing on their talents and passion with today’s technology and connected economy. Find your side hustle.
(13) 90% of Millennials surveyed think being an entrepreneur means having a certain mindset rather than starting a company.

(14) 54% either want to start a business or already have started one. Today’s digital age makes it easier than ever before to launch a business and market to the world.

The Millennial Employee
(15) By 2025, 3 out of every 4 workers globally will be Millennials. Why not starting building your company culture to appeal to Millennials now…since it’s going that way anyway.

(16) 89% of Millennials would prefer to choose when and where they work rather than being placed in a 9-to-5 position. And (17) 45% of Millennials will choose workplace flexibility over pay. [Millennial Branding]

(18) 56% of Millennials won’t accept jobs from companies that ban social media. Learn to embrace the social web. Denying them today’s technology leads to resentment.

(19) Average tenure for Millennials is 2 years, compared to 5 years for Gen X and 7 years for Baby Boomers.

To keep Millennial talent, rethink your current company culture and find ways to infuse more flexibility, technology and social-ness…otherwise, be prepared to pay the price. (20) It costs an average of $24,000 to replace each Millennial employee.

The Millennial Leader
(21) 63.3% of U.S. executives will be eligible to retire in the next 5 years. Generation X is not a large enough generation to fill this large leadership gap. Many Millennials will have to leap frog into these positions. Have you prepared them?

(22) In the last 5 years: 87% of Millennial workers took on management roles, vs 38% of Gen X & just 19% of Boomers. Change will accelerate as more and more Millennials enter leadership roles.

Here are 33 things I wish I had known when I started my first business.

Here are 33 things I wish I had known when I started my first business.

1. Sell everything. Save money.

This one would seem obvious, but it’s easy to get ahead of one’s self. My first business actually got off to a strong start. So I chose to “reward” myself with a gratuitous trip to Buenos Aires with some friends and proceeded to blow most of the money I had saved up from my first six months. Less than a year later, I would be broke and begging my ex-girlfriend to let me live with her so I didn’t end up on the street. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

2. Monetize your free time.

A big complaint of a lot of people who want to start businesses is that they don’t have enough “free time.” Between work, hobbies and social obligations, they have maybe an hour or two a day to sit down and hammer out that new business idea they’ve been sitting on.

No, no, no, wrong, wrong, wrong. If it feels like you’re giving up your free time to work on a second job, then you’re screwed before you even start. Take what you love to do anyway — basketball stat analysis, home gardening, furniture carving, whatever — and simply monetize that. That’s your most obvious starting point. That way you’re not giving up any free-time, you’re expanding it.

3. Surround yourself with other entrepreneurs.

A great point Dan Andrews made on a podcast with me: surround yourself with the type of people you want to become. If all of your friends are bored desk jockeys, then there will be an unconscious social pressure for you to continue on as a bored desk jockey. They will not understand your aspirations, or even worse, they may resent them. Find other people who are in a similar position as you and push and motivate one another.

4. Quit your day job as soon as is reasonable.

I wrote about this extensively here. Burn the boats behind you. Give yourself no option of retreat.

5. Be shameless.

Aspiring to do something no one else has ever done takes a certain degree of delusional self belief. You must be willing to make an ass out of yourself here and there. Cold-calling dozens of prospective clients and telling them that you can do a better job for them than anyone else. Pitching your new product to people who didn’t even know it existed. Promising delivery on content or services which you only kind of, sort of, know how to deliver on (but are willing to figure it out as you go along). You have to be shameless about this stuff.

6. Fuck your business idea.

Henry Ford didn’t invent the car. He just figured out how to build them better than anyone else.

Mark Cuban once said that every great business idea you have, you should assume that 100 other people have had the same idea and are already working on it. Business ideas don’t matter. What matters is execution.

A lot of people are proud of themselves for coming up with a cool idea. But the most successful businesses in history were rarely new ideas. Google wasn’t a new idea. Facebook wasn’t a new idea. Microsoft wasn’t a new idea. All of these companies merely executed better than anyone else.

7. Less reading, more doing.

Try to only read when you need a specific solution to a problem you’ve run into in the work you’re doing. For instance, don’t just sit around and read about marketing because you think maybe you should know about marketing. Ugh, how fucking boring (this, in a nutshell, is why college kind of sucks by the way). Read about marketing when your new project needs a new marketing strategy. Suddenly, that same reading becomes a lot more interesting.

Many people use reading up on what they want to do as a way to avoid actually doing what they want to do. Reading is useless without execution.

8. Test, test, test.

You don’t know anything until you’ve tested it. I don’t care if Frank Kern said it or Dan Kennedy said it or your step-mom said it. You don’t know until you test it. Every marketing seminar I’ve ever watched and every marketing book I’ve ever read told me to raise my prices. Yet, every split-test ever I’ve done on my books through this site, the lower priced book not only killed it in terms of revenue, but also generated more referrals, more positive reviews and traffic to my site.

9. Be eccentric.

You can’t stand out unless you’re different. Capitalize on your quirkiness.

10. Obsess about your brand.

The reality of the current economy is that pretty much any information, product or service a person wants, they already have dozens of choices of who to purchase them from. Scarcity doesn’t exist anymore. Differentiation purely through price or quality is an almost impossible strategy for entering or dominating a new market. What dominates now is brand. Your brand defines the relationship you have with your prospect and customer. It’s why they come back to you and not the other 11 Joe Schmoe’s offering the same exact service.

11. Don’t deliver a product, deliver an experience.

Steve Jobs said that he wanted Apple products to provide an experience, not just a function. Apple is possibly the strongest brand on the planet right now. This is what I mean when I say obsess about your brand: obsess about the experience you’re giving your customers, not just the information or product you’re giving them.

12. Believe in what you’re doing.

Otherwise, even if you do become successful, you’re just stuck in another grind. But this time, it’s of your own making.

13. Your business will evolve. Let it.

No one gets it right the first time. Or the second. Or the twenty-third. Cue cliché about Thomas Edison or Michael Jordan here. Information is always imperfect. Markets are always changing. What worked last year may not work this year. You don’t stay on top of things unless you’re evolving with them. Don’t marry yourself to your idea or original business plan.

14. Fuck Tim Ferriss.

If you’re only working four hours a week, your business is going to be antiquated within a decade and chances are you’re getting bored as shit with your life anyway.

15. A blog is not a business plan.

It’s just not. Don’t start a blog to make money. Start a blog because you love to write. Start a blog to share something you love. But don’t start a blog to make money. No blogger who is making mega-bucks off their content started that way or planned it that way. It just happened. And it took years. Not months, years.

16. You’re going to need either a lot of time or capital.

Or both. There is no such thing as overnight success.

17. Business is not about making money.

It’s about value and values. If you continue to monetize what you personally value, you’ll never tire of working (in fact, you’ll look forward to it). If you optimize the value your business generates, the money will happen as a side-effect. There’s a subtle difference between value and money. Sometimes you must eat a chunk of money to create greater long-term value. If you’re just in it for the bottom line, you’ll never be willing to do this.

18. Capitalize on luck.

You’re going to have good luck and bad luck. We all do. No sense complaining about it or taking credit for it. Instead, hunker down and be sure to capitalize on both.

19. Slow to hire, fast to fire.

Cliché, but true. Especially when outsourcing. Almost every internet entrepreneur I have met has horror stories about outsourcing, myself included. Short version: you usually get what you pay for.

20. Embrace existential stress.

When you have a job, your stress is about external approval — deadlines, meetings, presentations — and it usually comes from your boss. It’s annoying and it comes in short, strong bursts.

When you work for yourself, you give up having to constantly fight for this external approval. What you trade it in for is this low-level constant gnawing sense that everything is going to collapse and disappear one day. Yeah, I can wake up at noon every day. I can work when I want. But in a corporate job you don’t have to worry about showing up to work one day and the building not being there anymore. An entrepreneur thinks about this on a weekly basis.

21. If you’re not pissing some people off, you’re doing it wrong.

Dan Kennedy said, “If you haven’t pissed someone off by noon, then you probably aren’t making any money.” My experience has shown this to be true. As I once said:

“You cannot be an attractive and life-changing presence to some people without being a joke or an embarrassment to others. You simply can’t. You have to be controversial to succeed.”

22. Did I mention you should be testing?

Seriously, half of the stuff that grows your business is impossible to implement if you’re not regularly testing your ideas out in the marketplace. Hell, don’t even START your business until you’ve tested the idea out in the marketplace.

23. 80/20: Never forget.

It really is staggering how much it applies to.

24. Get 1000 True Fans.

The idea is that in the internet age, you only need to convince 1,000 people to give you $100 per year to make a six figure income. When viewed in those terms, it’s far less intimidating. Corollary to this is the 100 True Customers idea, if you’re in the consulting/services world.

25. As in the corporate world, networking is everything.

Yes, it’s still a great way to get new clients and/or job offers. But in the entrepreneur world, it’s even more useful to see what’s working for other people’s businesses and what you may be able to steal and use in yours.

26. Know thyself.

I work best at night. I hate structure and make lots of lists, half of which I never look at again. I manage my time with iTunes playlists. A lot of the things that work well for me fly against all of the time management advice you’ll ever read out there. But this is how I’m wired and I cater to what works best for me. Do what’s best for you.

27. The 1000 Day Rule.

The 1000 Day Rule states that you should expect to be WORSE off than you were at your day job for the first 1000 days of your new business.

28. If it feels like work, you’re doing it wrong.

You can either make money to do what you love, or you can do what you love to make money. You choose.

29. Don’t get rich quick.

All of the shortcuts for short-term gains either gut your long-term brand and loyalty, or they just put you back in a position of being chained to something you don’t care about or believe in. If you love what you do (and you should), and you’re investing regularly in the evolution of the business (which you are), then having a bunch of money sitting around to buy useless shit should not be a priority of yours. Seriously, get some self esteem somewhere else if it’s that important to you.

30. STOP TALKING ABOUT IT AND TEST IT!

I don’t know the answer! And neither do you! So test it and find out!

31. If you’re not scared to death of abject failure, you’re doing it wrong.

In fact, I’ve found that the more something terrifies me (i.e., writing the new book), the more I need to be doing it.

32. Treat your customers like family.

They’re the only reason you’re here in the first place. Treat them with respect. Reply to their emails promptly. Answer their questions. Give them free shit.

33. This will be a part of your permanent identity, choose wisely.

The idea of, “I’ll do this for a few years, make a bunch of money for a few years, and then go do what I REALLY love!” is a myth. It never works out. That’s how I originally got into this biz, and I see dozens of people doing the same. Yet, it never happens.

ABC - Always be closing OR always be connecting?

ABC - Always be closing OR always be connecting?

Here’s a look at five ways social media will impact the way we work and the bottom line in 2013.

Social media goes company-wide
Thus far, social media has largely been limited to marketing and community building functions at companies. But a recent report from McKinsey showed that a majority of the estimated $1.3 trillion in untapped value from social technologies lies in “improved communications and collaboration within and across enterprises.” In other words, social media is poised to become an office productivity tool, much the same way that email did in the late 1990s.

Already, HR departments are using social media to connect with job seekers and streamline the application process. Sales teams use social media to generate leads and track clients as they move through the sales funnel. Operations and distribution teams forecast supply chains, while research and development squads brainstorm product ideas. In 2013, the idea that social media is a soft, networking tool will slowly give way to its acceptance as a serious business tool.

Email use declines as better communication channels open
The basic idea of email has remained essentially unchanged since the first networked message was sent in 1971. And while email is great for one-on-one, formal correspondence, there are far better tools for collaboration. In fact, instant messaging and wikis have already become office fixtures, allowing for real-time communication and centralized information sharing.

But increasingly powerful communication tools are also available, which borrow features from popular networks like Facebook and bring them into the office. In 2013, expect to see internal business networks like Yammer and Chatter make serious inroads into enterprise settings, enabling employees to form virtual work groups and exchange ideas on centralized message boards. Among the greatest virtues of these tools is their ability to unlock the “dark matter” normally trapped in email inboxes, making relevant content accessible and searchable for the entire company.

Social media command centers become mainstream
Social media has given companies access to unprecedented amounts of information on client behavior and preferences – so-called Big Data. But making sense of it all and turning it into actionable policy has been elusive. Larger organizations – including Gatorade, Dell and the Super Bowl, as well as the Red Cross – have led the way here, pioneering dedicated command centers for real-time monitoring and analysis. Social media mission control rooms are staffed by multiple employees, the centers outfitted with banks of screens tracking everything from tweets and Likes to customer sentiment, using a range of analytical software.

In 2013, expect to see this same technology streamlined and made accessible for a broad range of businesses and organizations eager to make sense of their social data. New tools can now compress entire “command centers” onto single monitors and even smartphone screens. At a glance, directors and department heads can see real-time analysis of social metrics and use this to inform business decisions. These tools are already being used by Nestle to track customer sentiment, GE to speed up repairs to the electrical grid, the auto industry to predict recalls, Wall Street to forecast stock prices and T-Mobile to prevent customer defections.

Social media compliance becomes a priority
In June of this year, Morgan Stanley – and its 18,000 advisors – entered the Twittersphere. This decision wasn’t made lightly. The same strict SEC rules that govern the firm’s communications with the public and stakeholders on traditional channels, from magazine ads to print brochures, extend to social media. Every last tweet and Facebook post, in other words, represents a potential lawsuit.

And it’s not just financial services that face scrutiny. Any sector that sees its communications regulated, from food and healthcare to pharmaceuticals and government, must ensure that its social media is compliant. Many industries, for instance, require that all social messaging – each and every work-related update – be archived for at least three years. While all of this isn’t terribly exciting, it does represent a significant regulatory hurdle for companies increasingly reliant on social media.

Fortunately, technology has kept pace. In 2013, expect to see companies turn to business-grade social media management systems that feature built-in archiving (Social media management systems are software for managing multiple social profiles across different networks). Many of these tools also come with access to online training programs and webinars designed to bring employees up to speed on industry-specific compliance issues.

International and niche social networks present new challenges
While savvy companies may have unlocked the secrets of doing business on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and Google+, a host of new networks has suddenly entered the picture. This year, Instagram saw its share of social media traffic grow by 17,319 percent, while Pinterest grew by 5,124 percent. 2013 will likely see the ascent of brand new players. According to analyst James Murray of Experian, “Offering deeper functionality combined with a lower technical barrier to entry will mean new leaders in social media being created in a matter of days versus weeks and months.”

At the same time, international social networking is entering a phase of dramatic growth. In 2013, new users are expected to grow by 21.1 percent in Asia-Pacific (including China, India and Indonesia), 23.3 percent in the Middle East and Africa and 12.6 percent in Latin America. Last year alone, China’s Twitter-like Sina Weibo nearly doubled its base to 400 million users (easily surpassing Twitter’s 170 million active users). What does this all mean? Brands and companies leveraging social media in 2013 will have to monitor and engage in an expanding ecosystem of social networks. Expect social media management systems to become as common as email clients as companies work to streamline and automate this process.

Last year, Harvard Business Review surveyed 2,100 companies and found that 79 percent use or plan to use social media. But a mere 12 percent of those firms felt they were using social media effectively. 2013 should see this frustrating gap between social media hype and reality begin to close as new social technologies take root, companies institutionalize social practices and improved analytical tools show the real ROI on social investments.

Bouncing Back from Financial Grief and Loss..

Resilience and financial grief

Is it true that people can actually grieve over lost money, houses, and jobs? Yes, and here’s why: any kind of loss – any kind of loss – can trigger a grief reaction. Think back to when you lost something important to you. Maybe it was a pet, a relationship, a car, or your favorite project at work. Did you experience any of these emotions?

• Sadness
• Anger
• Guilt/self-reproach
• Anxiety
• Loneliness
• Shock
• Yearning

How about any of these thinking patterns:young woman grieving resized 600

• Disbelief
• Confusion
• Preoccupation or rumination

Or these behaviors:

• Sleep and/or appetite disturbances
• Absentmindedness
• Social withdrawal
• Crying
• Restlessness

This is just a partial list of the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that are a part of the grieving process. If you remember living with some of these when you had a loss, you were likely experiencing grief.

We’re accustomed to thinking of grief as something that occurs only after a loved one dies. The problem with this is that we tend not to acknowledge our feelings as grief when we lose something other than a loved one.

So, can we really grieve over losses brought on us by the economy? Absolutely. But even in these tough times, there are ways to develop resiliency and not only bounce back, but thrive.

Complications of financial grief

Financial loss is not only about money. It probably wouldn’t be so devastating if it were. Here are just some of the other losses that come along with a sudden drop in assets:

• Plans for retirement: Those ideas you had about retiring in a few years may have gone by the wayside now due to your 401K and IRAs losing money, having to dip into your savings sooner than you thought to keep the house, your business earning much less than in the years before the recession, unemployment, or losing your house.
• College savings: You thought your kids would be able to go to a four-year university and now you’re hoping you can support them through community college. This wasn’t the dream you held for them all these years.
• Housing: That loan that seemed so great a few years ago now has you upside down and struggling to pay your mortgage. Or maybe you’ve already had to sell your house or – the last thing you expected – you were foreclosed on.
• Lifestyle: Your lifestyle may have taken a big hit in the last couple of years. Eating out, vacations, recreation time and activities, buying gifts for others . . . many of the things you took for granted have now changed.
• Life Script: When very young, you started to write a Life Script for yourself. “I’m going to be a doctor,” “I’m going to be a scientist,” “I’m going to work with animals.” As you grew, you expanded your script, “I’m going to go to college, have a good job, get married, and live a healthy, happy life.” Most likely, your Life Script did not include, “I’m going to lose all my savings when I’m 60” or “I’m going to trust someone to make me a lot of money just to have them steal it all so I can go back to work when I’m 70” or “I’m going to buy the house of my dreams and then be foreclosed on four years later.”

The abrupt alteration of your Life Script, changes in your lifestyle and housing, and shattering of dreams for yourself and your family all magnify the emotions that surround financial loss.

Still, since we can see that all of this adds up to a BIG LOSS, why is it so hard to express grief about finances? What is it about this type of grief that is different than the emotions we feel when we lose someone we love? Well, there are some complications:

• Embarrassment: It’s one thing to tell someone that your mother died, but a completely different thing to share that you lost your money in a Ponzi scheme (adjustable-rate mortgage, Lehman Brothers collapse, job loss, or any other issue related to recession.) We don’t usually chat with our neighbors and peripheral friends about issues related to money; it’s just not one of our cultural norms.
• Loss of identity: You used to be Software Engineer Who Owns A House And Has Enough In the Bank To Put My Kids Through College and now you are Unemployed Dad Who Lost My House Due To Foreclosure And Had To Move The Family In With My Folks. Maybe your situation isn’t that drastic, but you get the idea. You identify with your work and your social status, among other things, and so you might be unsure of who you are right now.
• Feelings of betrayal: Dealing with a loss is difficult enough without the added emotional fallout from feeling betrayed by banks, mortgage lenders, the government, Bernie Madoff, and Wall Street in general. Now you are not only dealing with grief, but anger and resentment as well. In addition, the anger and resentment may be at a spouse, friend, or relative who gave you bad financial advice.
• Denying the magnitude of the loss: It is very easy to think, “I shouldn’t be feeling this bad. It’s not like someone has died.” You devalue your own feelings because it’s “not as bad” as something else.
• The thought that financial crisis = personal failure: “If I was a better money manager, this wouldn’t have happened. I’m such a jerk.” “Why did I listen to that broker? I knew better. This is all my fault.” “I must be a real loser to have thought I could refinance my house with an adjustable rate mortgage.” This mythological thinking is very easy to fall into, but certainly not helpful (or true.)
• Lack of social ritual for this kind of grief: We have many rituals for the death of a person: funerals, memorials, sitting shiva, wakes, etc. These customs help us with closure and adjusting to the world without our loved one. But there are no rituals around the loss of finances and the dreams that went with them. We are left feeling unfinished and lost.

So, it really is pretty complicated, isn’t it?

Learning to survive and thrive after an economic setback.

Surviving . . .

1. Acceptance

• Accept the fact that this loss has really happened to you. Denial is a strong and protective mechanism. It helps to numb you against pain until you’re ready to deal with it. Sometimes you need to consciously make the move out of denial, though, and work toward acceptance. If you find yourself thinking, “Once the stock market comes back, everything will be fine” or “Even though this new job pays half of what I made before, we can still live the same way we did before,” you are still in denial. It’s time to intentionally assess your situation and accept its reality.
• Honor your own grief about what you have lost. This really is a loss – be careful not to minimize it.
• Don’t resist. This does not mean to give up. But it does mean to acknowledge both your emotions and the fact that you have experienced economic and financial loss rather than fight against them. Going with the river current is much easier than fighting to swim against the current.

2. Build and use your support system

• Find people you trust: friends, family, spiritual leaders. Gather your support team around you just as you would if you had lost a loved one.
• Talk. You don’t have to talk about the specifics of the loss, just your feelings about it. This is an important way for you to process your grief and not get stuck in it.Don’t worry about the stock market.
• Take your power back. By talking about your feelings related to the financial loss, you take the power away from the “deep, dark secret” and shine the light of day on it.

3. Get a different perspective

• Put the brakes on rumination. It’s easy to get stuck re-hashing the problem over and over again, trying to “fix it.” But then your focus gets very narrow and The Problem becomes the only thing in your life. Let go of it. Widen your focus and see what else is in your life.
• Remember that you have made it through past challenges. When you’re faced with a loss, it can seem like the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And it might be. But remember that you have experienced many difficulties in your life and you have made your way through them. You have to work on it; it doesn’t happen magically. But take heart in the fact that you have overcome challenges before.
• Stay in the moment. This is hard to do but a real relief when you can. Rather than ruminating about past events or fretting about the future, try to stay with what is happening right now. Come up with your own perspective-changer that reminds you to stay in the moment. The perspective-changer I use is my memory of sitting with a dying client who was at peace with her own death. Being with her made everything else seem like small stuff.

And thriving . . .

4. See what you can learn.

• There’s a lesson in everything. Maybe you did make some poor financial decisions. Learn from your mistakes. Maybe your value system was overly focused on material things. Learn the joys of simpler living. Maybe your kids didn’t really understand what it meant to pull together as a family until now. Help them learn this lesson during these tough times.

5. Find the gifts.

• The sand that irritates the oyster eventually makes a pearl. The economic loss you are experiencing now may be the very thing you need to learn to thrive into new opportunities opening before you. I heard something surprising on NPR’s Talk of the Nation the other day. The show was about a man who used to be a restaurant critic but, because of the economy, lost his job and is now learning how to survive on $200 Jobless not hopeless resized 600per month of food stamps. Not only had he learned to do it, but another young woman called in and said her time on food stamps was the greatest gift she’d ever received! She had learned to cook, to save money, to eat nutritiously on a budget – none of which she thought she’d ever do.
• There are gifts to be found everywhere, even in the darkest of times. When my partner’s breast cancer was discovered, it was already at Stage IV. We could not think of a more terrible thing to happen. But, after using some of the “surviving” tools above, we began to see the gifts pouring in. We learned that we were much stronger than we thought, we learned how many caring friends we had, my partner – who had always struggled with her self-image – found out how many people truly loved her, and we found peace through renewed spirituality.

Getting your bounce back after financial loss may not mean getting your money or assets replaced, but it does mean learning to survive – and thrive – in the most difficult times.

Will you take this as an opportunity or a defeat?