Empathy vs. Sympathy: What’s The Difference? Know when to use them!

Dictionary Definitions of Empathy vs. Sympathy

Part of what makes it so hard to tell the difference between empathy and sympathy is the fact that both words sound very similar and both concepts espouse similar things in practice.

Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also :  the capacity for this

Sympathy: (1) the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief, misfortune, etc. : a sympathetic feeling. (2)an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other.

As you can see, the two are very similar. Certainly, we begin to see a picture emerge. Conventional wisdom holds that where empathy is the feeling of “walking in another’s shoes,” sympathy is more of a feeling of being sorry or bereft, even on behalf of another person. 

The Emotional Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

When we use sympathy as an emotional tool, we understand that it gives us insight into another’s situation and emotional state of mind. It can be useful, for instance, on a deeper level to develop a firm grasp of empathetic understanding of another person in order to develop the social skills that we need to maintain relationships across all facets of our lives, including romantic relationships and in dating situations.

On the other hand, without attempting to attribute too much of an ulterior motive to (or cheapen the concept of) empathy, a savvy business person or experienced customer service representative can use their developed empathetic proclivities to better serve consumers or customers.  It can also reduce friction between people of different personality types and allow people from all backgrounds to relate to one another by imagining themselves in the other person’s position. Once you take a moment to imagine a person’s background, culture, experiences, and personality, it becomes easier to deal with conflict in certain situations because you are more likely to give a person the same consideration and understanding that you would like in return.

In short, from an emotional standpoint, empathy is very closely related to that golden rule; “treat others as you would like to be treated”. In this instance, you would reverse the statement once you have allowed yourself to empathize with another person and consider how it is that they would like to be treated.

Sympathy serves two major purposes from an emotional standpoint. As we discussed, sympathy is most often referred to in situations where a loss has occurred or when another person is seeking to offer condolences or commiseration in a time of grief, whether brief or prolonged. For instance, you may wish to offer your sympathy to a person who is going through a period of depression. When you sympathize with them, you are admitting that you, in fact, do not know how they feel, but wish to offer your support. This allows you to offer your support without diminishing the person’s own state of mind.

We can also use the word “sympathy” to signal our commiseration with another’s beliefs, mores, or values. This usage is quite different from what we understand the traditional meaning to be. For instance, you’ve probably heard the term, “I am sympathetic to your cause”. This phrase is often used to signal your agreement or cohesion with another person’s ideals, tastes, or preferences. Let’s see what this looks like in practice.

Let us imagine that you are speaking to a friend, and in your conversation you discover that neither you nor your friend are particularly fond of cats. You might even say that both of you absolutely hate cats. In this instance, it can be said that you are sympathetic to your friend’s preference. On the other hand, your preferences, motivations, or values do not need to be identical in order to be considered “sympathetic”. Let’s clarify that. Suppose that in this situation, your friend hates cats, and you love them. However, let us imagine that you do hate aardvarks (just bear with us for a moment!). As long as your distaste for aardvarks is the same as your friend’s distaste for cats, when they tell you, “I dislike cats!” you are perfectly accurate in saying, “boy, I can sympathize with that!”

Empathy vs. Sympathy: 3 Examples in Common Situations

Finally, let us take a look at some common examples of empathy vs. sympathy just to summarize and ensure that we have a complete grasp on what makes the difference between sympathy and empathy.

Situation #1: A friend of yours has had to put her companion, a 15-year-old border collie down due to the dog’s illness. She is understandably heartbroken.

Empathy: In this scenario, if you have never had to experience this kind of loss, you would attempt to imagine the experience from your friend’s point of view. You might consider that she is not only sad about the loss of her dog, but also reflecting with happiness on her happy memories with Fido.

Sympathy: If you have had a similar experience, you may wish to offer your condolences without detracting from or overshadowing your friend’s grief.

Situation #2: You are a fourth grade teacher. You have a new student starting in your class today and the child is visibly frightened.

Empathy: Attempt to imagine what it is like to be a pre-adolescent in a new place. You may not be able to replicate the feeling exactly, but surely you can imagine feeling the way the child does.

Sympathy: Remember what it is like, even as an adult, to be a stranger in a strange place.

Situation #3: You are driving along when someone rear ends your car. The two of you pull over to the side of the road and prepare to exchange insurance information.

Empathy:  Though the situation is not your fault, you might wish to think about how you would like to be treated if it were. Certainly, you’d already be feeling bad, and being berated by a stranger would be unproductive.

Sympathy: We’ve all been at fault for an accident (vehicular or not) at some point. Try and channel that emotion and act accordingly.