ABC - Always be closing OR always be connecting?

ABC - Always be closing OR always be connecting?

Here’s a look at five ways social media will impact the way we work and the bottom line in 2013.

Social media goes company-wide
Thus far, social media has largely been limited to marketing and community building functions at companies. But a recent report from McKinsey showed that a majority of the estimated $1.3 trillion in untapped value from social technologies lies in “improved communications and collaboration within and across enterprises.” In other words, social media is poised to become an office productivity tool, much the same way that email did in the late 1990s.

Already, HR departments are using social media to connect with job seekers and streamline the application process. Sales teams use social media to generate leads and track clients as they move through the sales funnel. Operations and distribution teams forecast supply chains, while research and development squads brainstorm product ideas. In 2013, the idea that social media is a soft, networking tool will slowly give way to its acceptance as a serious business tool.

Email use declines as better communication channels open
The basic idea of email has remained essentially unchanged since the first networked message was sent in 1971. And while email is great for one-on-one, formal correspondence, there are far better tools for collaboration. In fact, instant messaging and wikis have already become office fixtures, allowing for real-time communication and centralized information sharing.

But increasingly powerful communication tools are also available, which borrow features from popular networks like Facebook and bring them into the office. In 2013, expect to see internal business networks like Yammer and Chatter make serious inroads into enterprise settings, enabling employees to form virtual work groups and exchange ideas on centralized message boards. Among the greatest virtues of these tools is their ability to unlock the “dark matter” normally trapped in email inboxes, making relevant content accessible and searchable for the entire company.

Social media command centers become mainstream
Social media has given companies access to unprecedented amounts of information on client behavior and preferences – so-called Big Data. But making sense of it all and turning it into actionable policy has been elusive. Larger organizations – including Gatorade, Dell and the Super Bowl, as well as the Red Cross – have led the way here, pioneering dedicated command centers for real-time monitoring and analysis. Social media mission control rooms are staffed by multiple employees, the centers outfitted with banks of screens tracking everything from tweets and Likes to customer sentiment, using a range of analytical software.

In 2013, expect to see this same technology streamlined and made accessible for a broad range of businesses and organizations eager to make sense of their social data. New tools can now compress entire “command centers” onto single monitors and even smartphone screens. At a glance, directors and department heads can see real-time analysis of social metrics and use this to inform business decisions. These tools are already being used by Nestle to track customer sentiment, GE to speed up repairs to the electrical grid, the auto industry to predict recalls, Wall Street to forecast stock prices and T-Mobile to prevent customer defections.

Social media compliance becomes a priority
In June of this year, Morgan Stanley – and its 18,000 advisors – entered the Twittersphere. This decision wasn’t made lightly. The same strict SEC rules that govern the firm’s communications with the public and stakeholders on traditional channels, from magazine ads to print brochures, extend to social media. Every last tweet and Facebook post, in other words, represents a potential lawsuit.

And it’s not just financial services that face scrutiny. Any sector that sees its communications regulated, from food and healthcare to pharmaceuticals and government, must ensure that its social media is compliant. Many industries, for instance, require that all social messaging – each and every work-related update – be archived for at least three years. While all of this isn’t terribly exciting, it does represent a significant regulatory hurdle for companies increasingly reliant on social media.

Fortunately, technology has kept pace. In 2013, expect to see companies turn to business-grade social media management systems that feature built-in archiving (Social media management systems are software for managing multiple social profiles across different networks). Many of these tools also come with access to online training programs and webinars designed to bring employees up to speed on industry-specific compliance issues.

International and niche social networks present new challenges
While savvy companies may have unlocked the secrets of doing business on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and Google+, a host of new networks has suddenly entered the picture. This year, Instagram saw its share of social media traffic grow by 17,319 percent, while Pinterest grew by 5,124 percent. 2013 will likely see the ascent of brand new players. According to analyst James Murray of Experian, “Offering deeper functionality combined with a lower technical barrier to entry will mean new leaders in social media being created in a matter of days versus weeks and months.”

At the same time, international social networking is entering a phase of dramatic growth. In 2013, new users are expected to grow by 21.1 percent in Asia-Pacific (including China, India and Indonesia), 23.3 percent in the Middle East and Africa and 12.6 percent in Latin America. Last year alone, China’s Twitter-like Sina Weibo nearly doubled its base to 400 million users (easily surpassing Twitter’s 170 million active users). What does this all mean? Brands and companies leveraging social media in 2013 will have to monitor and engage in an expanding ecosystem of social networks. Expect social media management systems to become as common as email clients as companies work to streamline and automate this process.

Last year, Harvard Business Review surveyed 2,100 companies and found that 79 percent use or plan to use social media. But a mere 12 percent of those firms felt they were using social media effectively. 2013 should see this frustrating gap between social media hype and reality begin to close as new social technologies take root, companies institutionalize social practices and improved analytical tools show the real ROI on social investments.

Bouncing Back from Financial Grief and Loss..

Resilience and financial grief

Is it true that people can actually grieve over lost money, houses, and jobs? Yes, and here’s why: any kind of loss – any kind of loss – can trigger a grief reaction. Think back to when you lost something important to you. Maybe it was a pet, a relationship, a car, or your favorite project at work. Did you experience any of these emotions?

• Sadness
• Anger
• Guilt/self-reproach
• Anxiety
• Loneliness
• Shock
• Yearning

How about any of these thinking patterns:young woman grieving resized 600

• Disbelief
• Confusion
• Preoccupation or rumination

Or these behaviors:

• Sleep and/or appetite disturbances
• Absentmindedness
• Social withdrawal
• Crying
• Restlessness

This is just a partial list of the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that are a part of the grieving process. If you remember living with some of these when you had a loss, you were likely experiencing grief.

We’re accustomed to thinking of grief as something that occurs only after a loved one dies. The problem with this is that we tend not to acknowledge our feelings as grief when we lose something other than a loved one.

So, can we really grieve over losses brought on us by the economy? Absolutely. But even in these tough times, there are ways to develop resiliency and not only bounce back, but thrive.

Complications of financial grief

Financial loss is not only about money. It probably wouldn’t be so devastating if it were. Here are just some of the other losses that come along with a sudden drop in assets:

• Plans for retirement: Those ideas you had about retiring in a few years may have gone by the wayside now due to your 401K and IRAs losing money, having to dip into your savings sooner than you thought to keep the house, your business earning much less than in the years before the recession, unemployment, or losing your house.
• College savings: You thought your kids would be able to go to a four-year university and now you’re hoping you can support them through community college. This wasn’t the dream you held for them all these years.
• Housing: That loan that seemed so great a few years ago now has you upside down and struggling to pay your mortgage. Or maybe you’ve already had to sell your house or – the last thing you expected – you were foreclosed on.
• Lifestyle: Your lifestyle may have taken a big hit in the last couple of years. Eating out, vacations, recreation time and activities, buying gifts for others . . . many of the things you took for granted have now changed.
• Life Script: When very young, you started to write a Life Script for yourself. “I’m going to be a doctor,” “I’m going to be a scientist,” “I’m going to work with animals.” As you grew, you expanded your script, “I’m going to go to college, have a good job, get married, and live a healthy, happy life.” Most likely, your Life Script did not include, “I’m going to lose all my savings when I’m 60” or “I’m going to trust someone to make me a lot of money just to have them steal it all so I can go back to work when I’m 70” or “I’m going to buy the house of my dreams and then be foreclosed on four years later.”

The abrupt alteration of your Life Script, changes in your lifestyle and housing, and shattering of dreams for yourself and your family all magnify the emotions that surround financial loss.

Still, since we can see that all of this adds up to a BIG LOSS, why is it so hard to express grief about finances? What is it about this type of grief that is different than the emotions we feel when we lose someone we love? Well, there are some complications:

• Embarrassment: It’s one thing to tell someone that your mother died, but a completely different thing to share that you lost your money in a Ponzi scheme (adjustable-rate mortgage, Lehman Brothers collapse, job loss, or any other issue related to recession.) We don’t usually chat with our neighbors and peripheral friends about issues related to money; it’s just not one of our cultural norms.
• Loss of identity: You used to be Software Engineer Who Owns A House And Has Enough In the Bank To Put My Kids Through College and now you are Unemployed Dad Who Lost My House Due To Foreclosure And Had To Move The Family In With My Folks. Maybe your situation isn’t that drastic, but you get the idea. You identify with your work and your social status, among other things, and so you might be unsure of who you are right now.
• Feelings of betrayal: Dealing with a loss is difficult enough without the added emotional fallout from feeling betrayed by banks, mortgage lenders, the government, Bernie Madoff, and Wall Street in general. Now you are not only dealing with grief, but anger and resentment as well. In addition, the anger and resentment may be at a spouse, friend, or relative who gave you bad financial advice.
• Denying the magnitude of the loss: It is very easy to think, “I shouldn’t be feeling this bad. It’s not like someone has died.” You devalue your own feelings because it’s “not as bad” as something else.
• The thought that financial crisis = personal failure: “If I was a better money manager, this wouldn’t have happened. I’m such a jerk.” “Why did I listen to that broker? I knew better. This is all my fault.” “I must be a real loser to have thought I could refinance my house with an adjustable rate mortgage.” This mythological thinking is very easy to fall into, but certainly not helpful (or true.)
• Lack of social ritual for this kind of grief: We have many rituals for the death of a person: funerals, memorials, sitting shiva, wakes, etc. These customs help us with closure and adjusting to the world without our loved one. But there are no rituals around the loss of finances and the dreams that went with them. We are left feeling unfinished and lost.

So, it really is pretty complicated, isn’t it?

Learning to survive and thrive after an economic setback.

Surviving . . .

1. Acceptance

• Accept the fact that this loss has really happened to you. Denial is a strong and protective mechanism. It helps to numb you against pain until you’re ready to deal with it. Sometimes you need to consciously make the move out of denial, though, and work toward acceptance. If you find yourself thinking, “Once the stock market comes back, everything will be fine” or “Even though this new job pays half of what I made before, we can still live the same way we did before,” you are still in denial. It’s time to intentionally assess your situation and accept its reality.
• Honor your own grief about what you have lost. This really is a loss – be careful not to minimize it.
• Don’t resist. This does not mean to give up. But it does mean to acknowledge both your emotions and the fact that you have experienced economic and financial loss rather than fight against them. Going with the river current is much easier than fighting to swim against the current.

2. Build and use your support system

• Find people you trust: friends, family, spiritual leaders. Gather your support team around you just as you would if you had lost a loved one.
• Talk. You don’t have to talk about the specifics of the loss, just your feelings about it. This is an important way for you to process your grief and not get stuck in it.Don’t worry about the stock market.
• Take your power back. By talking about your feelings related to the financial loss, you take the power away from the “deep, dark secret” and shine the light of day on it.

3. Get a different perspective

• Put the brakes on rumination. It’s easy to get stuck re-hashing the problem over and over again, trying to “fix it.” But then your focus gets very narrow and The Problem becomes the only thing in your life. Let go of it. Widen your focus and see what else is in your life.
• Remember that you have made it through past challenges. When you’re faced with a loss, it can seem like the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And it might be. But remember that you have experienced many difficulties in your life and you have made your way through them. You have to work on it; it doesn’t happen magically. But take heart in the fact that you have overcome challenges before.
• Stay in the moment. This is hard to do but a real relief when you can. Rather than ruminating about past events or fretting about the future, try to stay with what is happening right now. Come up with your own perspective-changer that reminds you to stay in the moment. The perspective-changer I use is my memory of sitting with a dying client who was at peace with her own death. Being with her made everything else seem like small stuff.

And thriving . . .

4. See what you can learn.

• There’s a lesson in everything. Maybe you did make some poor financial decisions. Learn from your mistakes. Maybe your value system was overly focused on material things. Learn the joys of simpler living. Maybe your kids didn’t really understand what it meant to pull together as a family until now. Help them learn this lesson during these tough times.

5. Find the gifts.

• The sand that irritates the oyster eventually makes a pearl. The economic loss you are experiencing now may be the very thing you need to learn to thrive into new opportunities opening before you. I heard something surprising on NPR’s Talk of the Nation the other day. The show was about a man who used to be a restaurant critic but, because of the economy, lost his job and is now learning how to survive on $200 Jobless not hopeless resized 600per month of food stamps. Not only had he learned to do it, but another young woman called in and said her time on food stamps was the greatest gift she’d ever received! She had learned to cook, to save money, to eat nutritiously on a budget – none of which she thought she’d ever do.
• There are gifts to be found everywhere, even in the darkest of times. When my partner’s breast cancer was discovered, it was already at Stage IV. We could not think of a more terrible thing to happen. But, after using some of the “surviving” tools above, we began to see the gifts pouring in. We learned that we were much stronger than we thought, we learned how many caring friends we had, my partner – who had always struggled with her self-image – found out how many people truly loved her, and we found peace through renewed spirituality.

Getting your bounce back after financial loss may not mean getting your money or assets replaced, but it does mean learning to survive – and thrive – in the most difficult times.

Will you take this as an opportunity or a defeat?

Is It The Breakdown Before the Breakthrough?

Is It The Breakdown Before the Breakthrough?

As an entrepreneur, part of the challenge is getting out of your comfort zone-and dealing with the fears that come up. For most of us starting a business is challenging, yet breakthroughs happen when we step out of our own way. Perhaps a new client will come at just the right time, or more money, or another “win” that puts us right on track. However in the meantime, the struggles that come with starting a business and maintaining a sense of normalcy can make it tough. You’re not only dealing with real life challenges (like how to pay the bills), but also the emotional side and fear of the unknown.

If you started out like most of us, owning your own business is a dream of yours, but it’s also like being a visitor in a foreign country. It’s awkward at times, you don’t always know the right thing to do (or say), and it’s easy to get lost. Yet it feels amazing to make progress and forge ahead. If you’re willing to keep going, one day you’ll realize you’re more comfortable in this role as a business owner. Plus, you’ll feel happier, confident, and ready to conquer the world!

How Do You Get From Here… to There?

It would be nice to skip all the messy parts in between starting a business and finding stability, but most of us don’t get that luxury. Time and again, it’s those business owners who make the commitment and stick with it who experience the breakthroughs. What most of us don’t witness (except in our own lives) are the in-between stages. When you’re somewhere between success and failure, this is the best time for personal growth and overcoming fears.

One step forward, two steps backward.

Most people don’t just whip out a great business, set it into motion, and then sit back and relax, drinking margaritas. It takes a lot of work, and at times setbacks are more common than stepping-stones. However, it’s good to remember that things do get easier, as long as you keep moving forward. The rewards are waiting, but you have to work through the hard days and uncertainty.

Change can be scary, but don’t let that stop you.

As human beings we crave order and routine over chaos and the unknown. Anything that is different from the norm is automatically going to be a scary. It’s good to remember, though, that we CAN work through fears. Particularly, when we start to make progress, become busier, and make more revenue, our “inner self” or “ego” wants to put on the brakes and may even convince us that this is best option. Essentially something inside us says STOP. This is where many of us call it quits.

The breakdown before the breakthrough makes success even sweeter.

Don’t let the ego and the inner self keep you small. Once you’re been out of your comfort zone long enough, it gets easier to stay there. There is commonly a “breakdown” before a “breakthrough” as the challenges come to a crescendo. These include any struggles, big or small, that test your limits such as: clients stop coming and you’re desperate for money, your computer breaks down, you get sick and aren’t sure if you can keep up. In any case, you have a big decision to make in this stage.

A leap of faith is required.

Almost all entrepreneurs at one point or another want to give up and call it quits. And many DO give up. But just like with anything there are many rewards on the other side. Imagine things like: seeing your business vision come to a fruition; living the reality of your dreams; attaining financial stability and a consistent, predictable income. These things are all possible if you stick with it for the long haul.

No matter where you are in your journey, always celebrate your “wins” and what you’ve overcome so far. Remember too that breakthroughs happen when we least expect it. Being grateful and focusing on successes will bring more of the same-so stay positive and enjoy the ride into the great unknown.

The True Meaning Of Wealth And 7 Ways To Build Yours…

I find that wealth is often misunderstood in our society. When the word is mentioned you probably conjure up images of fancy mansions, fast cars and private jets. But the reality is that wealth is something completely different.

And if we look at the way the world is today… we all need to build our wealth or face huge consequences personally and as a society.

So What Is Wealth?

The best definition of wealth I’ve seen comes from Robert Kiyosaki…

“Wealth is the number of days you can survive
without working while also maintaining your lifestyle.”

What this means is you have created residual (or passive) income sources that continue to pay you after the work is done. You’ve accumulated assets that give you a steady paycheck whether you’re working or not.

For example if you have $10,000 a month in expenses but have $11,000 per month in residual income then you’re wealthy. However if you have $2,000 per month in expenses and $3,000 in residual income you’re also wealthy because your income is no longer dependant on how many hours you work.

The Key Distinction Between Wealthy And Rich

A lot of people dream about being “rich” and it means various things to different people. In my mind rich indicates fancy mansions and fast cars since the term is often used in those contexts. However a lot of people currently look “rich” due to their lifestyle but are leveraged to the hilt with debt.

I prefer to focus on building my wealth as this is what creates my freedom. I currently have 20% of my income coming from residual income sources and this will continue to grow over the next few years. By keeping my expenses the same and growing my residual income I will be financially free in 2-3 years if I keep my eye on the ball.

Wealth Is The First Step To Being Truly Rich

Once you have the lifestyle freedom that wealth creates then you can build even more wealth and income.

For instance I could keep my active income business and when combined with my residual income business will have effectively doubled my income. Because my residual income is not dependant on my time I can grow it as large as I desire.

Having a residual income also allows you to invest in other areas and grow your wealth and income even further. You might choose to pay off your mortgage and invest in real estate to grow your assets base. Perhaps starting businesses that provide more residual income might work for you.

How To Build Your Wealth And Residual Income

There are three main paths to building your wealth…

1. Business
2. Real Estate
3. Stock Market

Business is my area of expertise so I’ll focus on that. However here’s a quick word on the other options you have available.

Is Real Estate The Path For You?

Real estate is a very good source of wealth and there is a ton of information available on the subject. The basic idea for building residual income is to buy rental properties where the rental income covers the expenses and you have a net gain each week.

The investors I know seem to be happy with about $50 a week coming in from their properties although this can be increased as well. There is also the benefit of capital gains when it comes to most real estate (although it’s never guaranteed) however this does not create residual income for you.

As you can see at $50 a week you’d need about 20 properties to get $1000 a week in residual income. This is a very simplified view but it gives you some idea of what’s involved in building your property empire.

What About The Stock Market?

I know even less about the stock market so here’s my “take it with a grain of salt” opinion. Residual income from stocks come from company dividends. These dividends usually aren’t that high so you’ll need a lot of stock which you pay for with your own money.

You could also become a stock trader but this is more an active income source. The advantage is that you leverage your time and money by making trades. However since most people lose money when investing in stocks and even professional traders and money managers have a hard time predicting the market this is definitely not an easy way to make a living.

Basically I wouldn’t even consider the stock market for creating residual income. I also think investing your wealth there for the long term can be dangerous. Because the market fluctuates based on human behavior and not the true value of a company it becomes close to gambling.

If you like it (or do it now) then that’s great for you. I would estimate it takes years of experience and a lot of money to become successful with the stock market. Warren Buffett would obviously be a great role model if this is the path you want to choose.

Building Your Wealth Through Business

Business is my vehicle of choice when it comes to residual income and this is what I’ve dedicated over a decade of my life too. I’ve started and run many businesses so hopefully my experience can give you a shortcut of what to look for and what to avoid.

I consider there to be four main approaches to business and will break each one of them down so you can see the options you have available.

The Traditional Bricks And Mortar Business

Starting a traditional bricks and mortar business takes a lot of capital and every month you’re faced with expenses like rent and wages. Many smaller businesses have been pushed out by bigger companies and franchises plus with the ability to price shop and buy online nowadays we’re seeing the traditional business face tough times.

Without going into a lot of detail I don’t recommend this approach to starting a business due to the high start up costs and the limited nature of the model. You have to be very good to create an empire with a traditional business.

The Self-Employed Business

For this I mean any business where you are the main person doing the work and if you walked away the business would probably collapse. This includes professionals like doctors, lawyers, plumbers etc but could also include retailers where you can’t afford to hire staff.

I currently still run my self-employed business and this is where 80% of my income comes from. Because of the way I’ve set it up I can work from home (or anywhere I have a laptop) and it provides a very nice lifestyle. The downside is it doesn’t create a residual income for me and hence it is more like a job than a business.

While it might sound easy to start a business and then hire employees to replace you it’s a lot more complicated in reality. I use outsourcers to do a lot of my work yet the majority of my business relies on my experience and relationships. This is why most self-employment businesses end up trapping the owner and they can find themselves working longer hours for less pay than the job they once left for “freedom.”

The benefit of selling your time for money is that you can make more income faster than creating products to sell. However I would never set out to create another self-employed business. I would focus on creating a residual income business and move away from trading my time for money as quickly as possible.

The Internet Marketing Business

There is much hype when it comes to the wonders of internet marketing and how easy it is to start a business. I’ve been working in the internet marketing industry for over 12 years and this is the focus of my self-employment business… I help online business owners increase their sales through strategy, copywriting and conversion.

There is a bit of myth on the internet that you can easily create a residual income business from scratch. The reality is that you’re still facing a 90% failure rate and this could even be higher due to the low costs of entry. Yes you can get a website up and launched for cheap but that doesn’t mean you’ll have a profitable business.

I’ve seen (and in most cases done) blogging, info products, affiliate marketing, physical products and the list goes on and on. The reality is very different to what the person selling the high-priced training course would like you to believe. You still have to create a real business and provide a ton of value for your clients.

The Network Marketing Business

Network marketing is also a business model that receives a lot of hype with promises of huge residual incomes. While this is true for a small percentage of the industry you’re still facing the 90% failure rate (or perhaps quitting rate is more appropriate).

When all is said and done the biggest problem in network marketing is actually yourself… are you willing to go out there and do what it takes to make this business successful? The reality is that most people will not train themselves to overcome their fear of rejection.

Those that are willing to go the distance face another problem and that’s meeting new people. Once you’ve talked to everyone in your network you have to go out and start marketing yourself. Unfortunately marketing is not really understood in this industry and can limit the results of even the most committed network marketer.

Laziness Isn't A Personality Flaw--It's Just A Habit

We tend to perpetuate negative behaviors by over-identifying with them–thus turning them into mindsets that then influence our behaviors. For example, we might say, “I’m disorganized,” or “I’m not very ambitious,” or “I’m lazy.”

Let’s look at laziness as an example. Laziness is not a personality disorder. It’s just a habit. Lazy thinking and lazy behavior, like any other habits, can be broken. Laziness isn’t something we’re born with. It’s a behavior we learned along the way.

To become mentally tough, we need to overcome obstacles such as the bad habits we’ve learned that are keeping us from achieving our goals.

How Laziness Breeds More Laziness

When you start the day by sleeping past the alarm or cutting corners in the morning, you’re more likely to continue that slothful attitude later in the day. For example, perhaps you had a choice to fix a healthy salad and pack it for work, but it became too much time and trouble because you overslept. Instead, you stop at a fast food joint on the way to work and buy a greasy, caloric breakfast sandwich. By mid-morning you figure you’ve already blown it, so you grab a sugary treat someone brought for the office, reasoning that you’ll start over tomorrow. Now you feel genuinely sluggish and a bit sick, so you might was well have a drink or two after work to get numb.

There’s a good chance you’ll oversleep again tomorrow at the rate you’re going–and then the cycle starts all over! It might not be with food; tomorrow it might be that you’re too tired to make phone calls, so you put off the important tasks for a day, and decide to leave work early after a day of low productivity.

Learn to Be Industrious

Just as you learned to be lazy, you can teach yourself to be industrious. Replace laziness with high productivity by following these three guidelines:

Stop “being” your habit. You’re not lazy. You’re a person who has adopted lazy habits. Start seeing your habit as just a behavior–a behavior you can change. You practice getting 7-8 hours of sleep, doing regular exercise, and eating healthfully so you’re filled with energy. You get in the habit of making to-do lists, prioritizing tasks, and working through them. You return calls and emails promptly. Every one of these new behaviors counteracts a lazy behavior.

Sacrifice early, reward later. When the alarm goes off, get up and get cranking on your daily to-do list. Only after you’ve checked off all of your daily need-to-get-completed tasks do you reward yourself by lying on the couch, turning on the TV, or browsing the Internet. Earn those rewards, instead of turning them into an escape.

Visualize productiveness. Run a mental reel in which you project yourself being productive. Highlight specific, key scenes, such as getting up when the alarm first goes off, completing tasks early in the day, maintaining energy in the middle of the day, and finishing the day strong by wrapping up on time. Be sure to include in your visualization the positive feeling that results from being productive.

Certainly, changing the habit of laziness into the habit of high productivity and industriousness takes work. If mental toughness were easy, everybody would succeed all of the time.

Part of mental toughness is understanding that the only true obstacles in life are self-imposed. You always have the choice to overcome and rise above. You have the choice to see yourself not as lazy, but as energetic, focused, and driven.

Ground Yourself in the Present Moment

Question: Painful experiences from my past have a way of coming to the surface and wrecking me all over again. How do I stop engaging myself with the past, and how do I leave this pain behind me once and for all?

Answer: Unconscious conflicts, in dialogue form, play themselves out in our mind by painfully reenacting various scenes from our past; moments gone by in which we either know, or sense, we were compromised by our own weakness. If these dark inner dialogues were left to themselves as they popped into our mind, they’d be as powerless to disturb us as an echo is to change its own sound. Where we get into trouble is when we’re unknowingly drawn into these scenes out of our past and find ourselves interacting with a cast of ghost players! The ensuing mental dialogue is always a desperate but futile attempt to change what has already been said and done so that maybe this time around we can come out a winner.

Try this step for the winning solution… if you sat down on a metal bench and suddenly realized the midday sun had heated it way beyond the comfort zone, you’d stand up as quickly as you could. The same intelligence behind this instinctive physical reaction can help you release and drop all dark inner dialogues that cause you to hold on to some past hurt or hatred.

Each time you catch yourself in a dark inner dialogue, of any kind, use your awareness of the conflict it’s creating within you as a springboard to help you leap out of those scary scenes from your past into the safety of the present moment. Then, instead of giving yourself back over to those inner voices of conflict that are still trying to converse with you, remain aware of yourself in the present moment, and of their continuing beckoning presence.

No matter how many times you hear in your mind those fighting words that have always prompted you to jump into that dark dialogue, refuse to join in. Ground yourself in your awareness of the present moment. When you’re no longer a captive of your own past, you can recognize its ghost voices as the source of psychic intrusion they really are. Learn to ask for a happy, new life by refusing to relive what’s been tearing at you.

14 Effective communication skills

1. Give them the impression that you’re enthusiastic about talking to them. They want to feel that you would rather be talking to them than anyone else. When you give them the impression that you are excited about talking to them and that you care about them, you make them feel better about themselves. As a result, they’ll be more likely to really open up to you.

2. Ask open-ended questions about their interests. Ask questions that will get them to talk about their interests and their life in a way that provides you with insight into their needs and wants. When you help them gain a new, positive perspective about their situation, they will feel a deep sense of connection with you.

3. Adapt to their body language and feelings. Pay special attention to their nonverbal communication. Watch their body language and posture, also take note of their inflection and word choices. Now, tailor your words, body language, and voice tone to match what you have observed. Doing this will help them feel a deep subconscious connection with you.

4. Show them approval: Tell them what you admire about them and why. One of the best ways to instantly connect with people is to be forthright and tell them exactly why you like or admire them. If being too direct isn’t appropriate, insinuate with a few indirect statements here and there. Either approach can be equally as effective because everyone responds well to approval.

5. Listen attentively to everything they say. Don’t focus too much on what you’re going to say next as they are talking. Instead, listen to every word they say and respond back as relevantly and smoothly as possible. This shows people that you are interested in what they have to say and you are fully engaged and in the moment with them. Also make sure to ask questions whenever there’s something they say that you don’t quite understand. This will help fill any potentially awkward lapses in communication.

6. Give them the right amount of eye contact. Eye contact communicates to the other person that you are not only interested in them and what they have to say, but that you are also trustworthy. When done in moderation, they will also assume you are confident in yourself because of your willingness to face them directly. As a result, people will naturally want to pay more attention to you and what you have to say.

7. Reveal as much about yourself as possible. One of the best ways to earn someone’s trust is to reveal yourself as openly as you can. Tell stories about interesting events from your life or just describe zany instances from normal everyday life. As you do this, make sure not to mention things that stray too far from where their interests and values lie. Nothing builds trust like genuine transparency.

8. Give the impression that you are on the same team. Use words like “we, us, we’re, our, and ourselves” to instantly build a bond. When you use those words, you make it seem like you are all on the same team with a common goal or concern. This moves you into their circle while everyone else seems lack your special insight and understanding.

9. Give them your best smile. When you smile at people, you communicate that you like them and their presence brings you happiness. Smiling at them will cause them to subconsciously want to smile back at you which will instantly build rapport between the two of you. Just make sure that your smile is sincere because if it’s not they will sense it.

10. Offer helpful suggestions. Recommend restaurants you’ve been to, places you’ve been to, movies you’ve seen, helpful people they’d like to meet, books you’ve read, career opportunities and whatever else you can think of. Describe what was so great about those people, places and things and how they might appeal to the other person. If you suggest enough ideas that interest them, they will look at you as a “go to” person when they need to make a decision about what to do next.

11. Give them encouragement. If the person you’re dealing with is younger or in a more difficult position than you, they will appreciate any encouragement you can offer. When you help them feel more confident in their own abilities they will value your input. This helps even out the relationship. Convince them that they can surpass their problems and limitations and they will feel good about connecting with you.

12. Appear to have a slightly higher energy level than the other person. Generally, people want to be around those who lift them up, instead of bringing them down. If you indicate with your voice and your body language that you have a slightly higher energy level, they will feel more energized and positive while around you. Don’t be so energetic that you put people off, but have enough so that they feel energized after talking with you.

13. Say their name in a way that is pleasing to their ears. A person’s name is one of the most emotionally powerful words for them. But how you say it is more important than how often say it. If you say their name with they right inflection, it can actually convey a lot of positive feeling directly to their nervous system. If their name feels good to them when you say it, they will feel bonded to you on a subconscious level without even knowing why.

14. Offer to take the relationship a step further. There are a number of things you could do to advance your friendship with someone: offer to eat with them, talk over a cup of coffee, see a sports game, have a beer or two with them, etc. Even if people don’t take you up on your offers, they will be flattered that you like them enough to want to take the friendship to a deeper level. In a way, they will look up to you because you have the guts to take charge of your life and build friendships instead of expecting those friendships to magically appear for you.

Integrity and Personal Responsibility = CORE VALUES

Integrity

The dictionary defines integrity as:

1. “firm adherence to a code of values”
2. “the quality or state of being complete or undivided”

Integrity is:

1. Being true to our values and ourselves
2. Keeping our commitments – to others AND to ourselves

Why does it matter?

• Integrity is a “core value”
• When we’re “complete” or undivided, we can accomplish great things
• Integrity gives us POWER!

What happens when we fail to keep a commitment?

• We get “out of integrity” when we fail to keep a commitment
• Without integrity, we are incomplete, or divided
• Without integrity, it isn’t possible for us to act powerfully in a situation

How can we restore integrity?

• By acknowledging that we failed to keep a commitment (no excuses are necessary – or helpful)
• By “completing” our commitment – either recommitting (in as specific a form as possible) – or altering the commitment

Why bother restoring integrity?

• It give you the ability to deal with the specific situation powerfully
• It gives you the ability to act powerfully in all other areas of your life

What does this have to do with teams?

• Essentially, our greatest tools in life are our commitment and our word
• Integrity is based on selecting our commitments and then keeping our word
• And integrity requires being honest - first with ourselves, and then with others – about our commitments, and about the commitments others make to us

Personal Responsibility

The dictionary defines responsibility as:

1. “moral, legal, or mental accountability”
2. “being the cause, motive, or agent”

Personal Responsibility is:

• Taking on accountability for our personal situation – for our life
• Declaring that we are responsible for what we do, what we have, who we are, and for all the conversations we have and situations we are in
• This definition does not have to be "true” to be useful – think of it simply as a commitment
• Personal responsibility is a commitment  we make to ourselves, to being an agent in the world - the cause of who we are and what we have

Why does it matter?

• If we are responsible for what happens to us, then there doesn’t need to be blame or guilt – to be aimed at others or at ourselves
• There is only what happens in the world and what we create in the world
• Whatever we’ve generated so far, be OK with it. It’s already happened.
• If you’re not satisfied with it, then generate something else!

What happens when we fail to take personal responsibility?

• We often blame others or blame circumstances for our situation
• We tell stories explaining why we didn’t produce the result we wanted
• Friends will usually listen sympathetically and let us avoid personal responsibility
• And we can convince ourselves that it wasn’t in our control

But some things really aren’t under our control . . .

• But saying THAT is a trap – as soon as we put responsibility somewhere else, we are saying that we were powerless to affect the situation
• If we take responsibility - even when we believe there were other factors at work – we are acting as though we have the power to determine events
• Always act as though you have the power to determine events!

But we aren’t really 100% in control of events, so why pretend?

• Why pretend that someone or something else is in control?
• Either way we’re “making up” an explanation - neither is really “true”
• But taking on that we’re in control of our lives is more empowering
• It allows us to deal powerfully with any situation we are in – no matter what role other people or events played in bringing us to that situation

What does this have to do with teams?

There are several key things you can do to help your teammates - and your team.

• Take on that you are 100% responsible for how your team performs. (It isn’t necessarily true, but if everyone on your team takes that attitude there will be no blame and you’ll accomplish much more as a team)
• Be open, honest, and supportive of each of your teammates. If you find yourself thinking that one (or more) of your teammates are deficient in some way - give that up! Expect great things of them and then keep giving them chances to rise to the occasion.
• Volunteer for team assignments. Don’t sit back and wait for someone else to do it.
• Offer - multiple times - to assist another teammate with his or her work.
• Make requests of others on the team. Ask for help. Consider that keeping to yourself - hiding out - is a way of being stingy with your team. Give your teammates an opportunity to contribute!
• Design at least one way to make a task fun!

Combining Integrity & Personal Responsibility

• One Barrier to “Team:”  a reluctance to “call someone” on failure to get the team work done
• I’m asking you to step up and take action
• I am requesting that you hold your team members accountable – remember, that’s simply treating them with respect
• It’s not the end of the world when a colleague doesn’t make a deliverable. Or when a team member slips a team deadline
• But ignoring it is not being authentic, and there’s not much integrity in that
• This isn’t about BLAME
• Since every one on a team is responsible for achieving team goals, there can be no finger pointing. If a job isn’t getting done YOU have a responsibility to take action of some sort
• But if someone promised to do something and didn’t do it, you should let them know that their approach does not work for the team. This is not about someone being right or wrong, good or bad. It’s about whether we’ve produced the result we said we would.
• And it’s not about apology. Often, the first thing we do is apologize when we’ve missed a commitment. Don’t (just) apologize – the most important thing is to declare what you’re committed to. So re-commit to do whatever you didn’t do (by a specific date and time), or else let your teammates know that you aren’t going to do it!

Consider that if you leave something unsaid . . . not taking action is an expression of SOMETHING:

• I don’t buy into the team goals (I don’t commit to the request)
• I won’t expect others to commit (and I won’t ask them admit they’re not committed)
• I won’t hold others to their commitments (I don’t want to be _____ )
• You can’t make me do this team stuff
• I’m too cool to be a team member (looking good - can’t touch that!)
• I’m too _____ (insert your favorite personal inadequacy - the story you have created about yourself to help you avoid taking action in different areas of your life)

Remember, all of the above is just one interpretation, or one approach to teams and personal relationships. It’s isn’t necessarily “true.” But it isn’t necessarily false, either! Enjoy.